tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68463774022858327762012-01-29T23:12:57.459-08:00A blog by internationally renowned author Gina Pera dedicated to exploring Adult AD/HD, especially its impact on relationships. Gina will post on the first Tuesday of each month.Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.comBlogger191100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-28551486561340690402012-01-19T18:38:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:30:20.959-08:00

Maybe this has happened to you. As soon as you started learning about ADHD, you suddenly saw it all around you. No, it's not that new people with ADHD suddenly started popping up around you; rather, you started seeing oh-so-familiar behaviors in a new light, through the lens of ADHD knowledge. Thanks to 21st century brain-science breakthroughs, we’re developing enlightened attitudes about

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-11426513412635199182011-08-13T14:17:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:31:17.092-08:00

A few years ago, I participated in an Ask the Expert Chat on "ADHD and Relationships", sponsored by the National Resource Center on ADHD. In this free forum, the public is invited to ask questions of a top ADHD expert in a live online chat. This text-based Q&A is later stored in the CHADD Ask the Expert archive (you can view the topics at that link but access is limited to CHADD members)

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-60481317307157402242011-05-31T13:54:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:50:26.630-08:00

This month's insights on Adult ADHD and relationships come from psychologist Ari Tuckman, with two excerpts from his book More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD. Enjoy, and please join in with your comments on these topics!  -- Gina Pera By Ari  Tuckman, Ph.D. It's been said that if one person in a relationship has ADHD, then the other person kind of has

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-54769530503723048432011-04-07T14:32:00.000-07:002012-01-27T21:03:01.165-08:00

Continuing with last month's theme of sharing questions and answers from my Ask the Expert chat, here is a two-part question from a reader named Matt. I welcome your responses to both Matt's questions and my answers. -- Gina Pera 1. How do you separate ADHD from the person? Because it is neurological, it just doesn't seem possible. It would be like separating sexual orientation from a person.

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-43361759530622802352011-03-01T12:27:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:33:54.749-08:00

A few years ago, I participated in an Ask the Expert Chat on "ADHD and Relationships", sponsored by the National Resource Center on ADHD. In this free forum, the public is invited to ask questions of a top ADHD expert in a live online chat. This text-based Q&A is later stored in the CHADD Ask the Expert archive (you can view the topics at that link but access is limited to CHADD members). Among

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-88323910509091006172010-10-20T14:13:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:34:43.207-08:00

My husband and I are now on the same track when it comes to money, but it wasn't always thus.  Conflicting attitudes and goals were a constant source of stress and acrimony. The best I can describe it is that before my husband's ADHD diagnosis and medical treatment, money was more of an abstraction to him rather than a reality.  He would say that he didn't care about money, but the

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-55837105525801578022010-09-07T14:28:00.000-07:002010-09-14T21:58:03.303-07:00

Time.  That's one word that always makes the top of the list when I ask adults in our local CHADD discussion group to name their top ADHD-related challenges. Keeping track of time. Estimating the time it will take to complete a project. Planning for future time instead of getting totally wrapped up in present time. Managing time is a constant challenge for most humans, especially in

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-25817260524813709832010-08-03T09:28:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:51:18.805-08:00

Introduction:  When I'm asked about the best kind of therapy for Adult ADHD, I explain that the research thus far points to cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in combination with medication.  Then I emphasize a critical point: not just any CBT but that with a special focus on ADHD.        Standard CBT that does not acknowledge the neurobiological role of ADHD can be

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-53054382109503383762010-07-06T12:08:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:52:59.732-08:00

This July 4, my husband and I celebrated our 12th anniversary.  Compared to couples married 30, 40 or even the 50 years of my parents' marriage, 12 years is hardly remarkable unless you figure in unrecognized ADHD.      As I joked to my friends on Facebook: "We can credit the fact that we're still married—and happily so—to equal parts brutal honesty, teeth-gnashing, affection, shared

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-75537075946604533042010-05-31T21:19:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:36:42.964-08:00

Living with unrecognized ADHD, in a loved one or in oneself, can feel like being lost in the fog—often on a roller coaster.       “I hope others can be spared from stumbling through the fog like my husband and I did,” Edith says. “For our first 25 years together, I thought Joe was lazy or selfish or both.”      Edith also wondered if she was failing as a wife because she had so little

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-90567352591399843472010-05-03T17:29:00.000-07:002010-08-01T10:13:28.004-07:00

Years ago, when my husband first agreed to be evaluated for ADHD, he did it on one condition: that I be evaluated for it, too.  Whether he simply disliked being singled out or truly thought me ADHD'ish remains lost in the mists of time and perhaps distorted perception.        My guess: He simply wasn't connecting the dots between his actions and my reactions, which from his perspective

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-32512000307869537292010-04-06T13:50:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:53:30.644-08:00

 We call ADHD a "good news" diagnosis. That's because it offers not only a long-elusive rational explanation for vexing behavior but also effective treatment strategies.  So, why does diagnosis (and sometimes even treatment) mean "bad news" for some relationships?       The reasons run the gamut, as complex as the individuals involved and their history together. To explore this topic a

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-74964044515483674822010-02-02T13:14:00.000-08:002010-03-30T18:31:13.641-07:00

What happens when it's not just "you or me" who has ADHD but you, me, and a few of the children? (And maybe the dog, too!) This month's post is written by Cynthia Hammer, MSW, an advocate who has long and admirably served the ADHD community in various capacities. She is currently an AD/HD coach in the Seattle area as well an avid bicyclist and mother of three. As a longtime fan of her work and

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-71814930364921291372010-01-05T16:28:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:39:44.089-08:00

There Janet was, peacefully washing dishes one evening, when suddenly a loud thumping and banging sounded from the front walkway. The clamor continued through the front door and down the hall. Alarmed, she peeked around the corner with some trepidation. The source of all the ruckus? Her 6-foot-3 husband Ralph, angrily wrestling the giant outdoor garbage-can-on-wheels through the narrow

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-28906061290291484992009-12-01T13:08:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:46:52.865-08:00

You share a life together – maybe even a bed, a checking account, and human offspring, too. It might sound surprising (especially to some less-than-savvy physicians and therapists), but ADHD evaluation and treatment outcome also typically benefits from a shared "team" approach. Let's examine the reasons why.Elaine finally decided to seek professional help for her long-ago diagnosed ADHD. But

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-7223641598336520462009-11-03T08:00:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:53:55.452-08:00

A big obstacle faced by couples dealing with ADHD is denial -- that is, either partner refuses to concede that ADHD exists, that it is causing challenges, or that effective strategies truly exist. The reasons for denial around ADHD are myriad and complex. For some who arrive at the diagnosis in adulthood, though, it's simple: ADHD feels like one more negative label, right down there with

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-80023761204877392242009-08-30T14:24:00.000-07:002010-08-09T14:39:15.840-07:00

With a warm smile and a kiss, Diane welcomed fiancé George at her front door and then noticed fresh mud on his shoes. In a pleasant tone of voice, she asked, him to please leave his boots on the stairs? Puzzled, he said, "Your suits stare? Huh? What on earth are you talking about?" Despite her clarification, George remained convinced that Diane had said exactly that. Moreover, she'd said it

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-38726242353601198292009-08-04T12:04:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:54:25.647-08:00

"Gina, sex is difficult for people with ADHD; it's tough to stay focused!" says a female Facebook friend, responding to my query on this topic.      What, you say, ADHD affects sex? Who knew? Yes, it's one of those areas, like sleep, where we often fail to connect the dots to ADHD symptoms.  In fact, I open the chapter on sex in my book, Is It You, Me, or  Adult A.D.D.?. with this quote:

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-21257596468655375652009-07-07T13:12:00.001-07:002012-01-27T20:47:18.289-08:00

Being new to the area, my husband and I got lost on the way to our first adult ADHD discussion group in downtown San Francisco. Some heated bickering later ("You said to turn left!" and "I didn't mean that left!"), we finally arrived and caught our breath. That's when a worn-out looking man across the table said something that sticks with me, ten years later: "I've blamed a lot of people in my

Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com80