tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68463774022858327762024-03-13T20:03:09.965-07:00You and Me — and Adult ADHDA blog by internationally renowned author Gina Pera dedicated to
exploring Adult ADHD, especially its impact on relationships
Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-62778064008070835402018-06-02T16:27:00.005-07:002023-08-05T21:25:12.753-07:00
Dear Readers and "Early Adopters,"
First, thank you for subscribing years ago to this blog that I wrote for CHADD in the early 2000s. In those early days of Adult ADHD awareness, you provided me with much-needed encouragement and engagement. I'm forever grateful to you.
Even though I no longer post here, I've continued to work hard to advance public understanding of Adult Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-90472143633936341312015-10-20T12:24:00.001-07:002019-12-24T14:21:44.644-08:00Join Gina in New Orleans for CHADD: 11/12-14/15
Now's your chance—to learn in two-three days an amazing amount about ADHD and meet hundreds of other people on this journey. I invite you to join me and many other ADHD experts in New Orleans, Nov. 12-14, 2015, for the CHADD International Conference.
There is something for everyone: parents, educators, adults, and mental-health professionals. Plus, the conference hotel (Hyatt Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-4496723519560384782015-03-14T20:40:00.001-07:002019-12-24T14:22:21.454-08:00To Save Their Marriage, They Shot His Xbox—with a Gun<!--
Xbox, post shooting
It’s true. They took it out and shot it. That’s the real
photo above. Below, the wife in the couple tells their story, providing a
personal glimpse into the complex reasons why some adults with ADHD get hooked
into cyber-addictions.
A little background first.
About a decade ago, I wandered into a World of Warcraft support group (for the
partners of the Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-84878175810516737212014-09-26T21:42:00.000-07:002015-03-18T17:42:16.530-07:00ADHD and the Automatic No—or Yes
Have you heard of the "Automatic No"? It's one of those phrases that describes a phenomenon among some people with ADHD that is so obvious, so clear, that no doubt a multitude of people have come up with the term, assuming they were the first. I count myself in that group.
My husband used to be the Master of the Automatic No. Once he was diagnosed with ADHD (in 1999), I started understanding Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-87228494288564142612014-08-17T17:23:00.001-07:002015-03-16T13:10:10.476-07:00Stop—And Smell the Gardenia
“Ohhhh, smell this gardenia,” I said to my husband, lifting a freshly picked specimen to his face. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. SniffSniffSniff. His quick succession of inhalations over the ivory-petaled flower produced no reaction. Continuing at that pace, however, he'd soon be hyperventilating.
What a shame, that he couldn’t partake in the pleasure of the rich fragrance, a fond remembrance of my Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-110115449421722932014-02-10T17:48:00.003-08:002015-03-16T13:12:16.552-07:00Cooling "Heat of the Moment" Despair
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Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-88479869143005701022013-06-15T18:16:00.001-07:002015-03-16T13:16:36.982-07:00If You Think Fear-Based Management Works for You—Think Again
Prior to being diagnosed with ADHD at age 37, my husband says his best coping tool was "Fear-Based Management"—fondly referred to as FBM. What sometimes seems to help us cope in the short term can, in the long-term be our undoing. And, for many adults with late-diagnosis ADHD, it's hard to distinguish between helpful and counterproductive coping skills.;
As regards my husband's long Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-28546530515810413872012-10-23T15:31:00.002-07:002019-12-24T14:30:35.826-08:00Fired Up and Ready for CHADD 2012!
In less than two weeks, Nov. 8-10, 2012, CHADD's 24th Annual International Conference takes place right in my backyard! The Hyatt Regency near San Francisco International airport.
I've been so busy helping to plan events (and dealing with medical challenges) that I'm far behind in my posting here. My apologies! It's been for a good cause.
If you're already registered for the conference, Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-10033713938574725462012-08-12T13:19:00.000-07:002012-10-23T12:49:25.770-07:00The Couple That Gets Fit Together...
This month, YouMeADD blog kicks it up a notch, following last month's Nature Sufficient Syndrome and the hikes my husband and I enjoy. Now get ready for "Adventure Hikes" for couples and a companion strategy for boosting brain function called Intermittent Fasting.
Your guide: psychiatrist Michael Lara, who will be speaking about The Exercise Prescription for ADHD Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-77253667483459499032012-07-03T11:34:00.001-07:002020-02-13T11:42:34.449-08:00Adult ADHD and Nature-Sufficient Syndrome
My husband (pictured above, with San Francisco in the background; more photos below) and I had just parked the car last Sunday and were headed for the trail on San Bruno Mountain when I remembered, "Oh! My first-Tuesday blog post is due this week. What shall I write about?"
"Well," he said, following close behind, "you could write about how most of us are too attached to our electronic Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-56078723034340393022012-06-05T06:00:00.000-07:002012-07-03T10:20:44.683-07:00Communicating ... Mindfully
This month's guest post comes to you from Mark Bertin, MD, a developmental pediatrician and author of The Family ADHD Solution: A Scientific Approach to Maximizing Your Child’s Attention and Minimizing Parental Stress. – G.P.
If you know you have ADHD, you’re probably aware of how distractibility, impulsiveness or difficulty “keeping track” of everyday life affects you. But areGina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-51398691007043915942012-05-03T14:00:00.000-07:002014-10-19T21:02:43.247-07:00"Our Weekend Without Meds"
The most common question I am asked about Adult ADHD (other than "Is it real?") is this: "Does the medication really make a difference?"
I used to recite the facts and figures. After all, double-blind research should provide rock-solid persuasion that yes, for some people with ADHD, the medication is positively life-changing.
Wrong. After only a few times of watching eyes glaze over Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-35481201435260011762012-04-03T12:02:00.001-07:002014-02-11T09:34:30.938-08:00ADHD and "Cyber Junkies"
Once my boyfriend starts on the Internet, there's no turning back. It seems the perfect trap for people with ADHD: He can drift aimlessly from topic to topic with just the click of a mouse. I just wish he could use all that internet time for something useful. –Beth
My wife was supposed to turn in her masters-thesis outline by Tuesday. After doing nothing for six months, she worked Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-86859858126589873092012-03-06T05:00:00.000-08:002013-02-15T10:41:06.275-08:00Reaching Out to Your Community
How can we best reach adults with ADHD who have no idea they have it? Based on my 12 years of advocacy, I'd say it is through people with ADHD talking about it openly and honestly with others in their day-to-day communities. In this way, others hear the facts about ADHD from people they already know instead of thinly drawn profiles in the media.
I jokingly refer to our Adult ADHD CHADD Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-15719315016339867672012-02-07T06:00:00.000-08:002012-04-15T15:20:22.118-07:00Q & A: When to Disclose – And More
Dear readers - I hope you like this blog's new, cleaner design!
A few years ago, I participated in an Ask the Expert Chat
on "ADHD and Relationships", sponsored by the National Resource Center
on ADHD. In this free forum, the public is invited to ask questions of a
top ADHD expert in a live online chat. This text-based Q&A is
later stored in the CHADD Ask the Expert archive (you
Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-28551486561340690402012-01-19T18:38:00.000-08:002012-04-15T15:20:46.811-07:00Wearing “ADHD Eyeglasses” with Care
Maybe this has happened to you. As soon as you started learning about ADHD, you suddenly saw it all around you. No, it's not that new people with ADHD suddenly started popping up in your midst; rather, you started seeing oh-so-familiar behaviors in a new light, through the lens of ADHD knowledge.
Thanks to 21st century brain-science breakthroughs, we’re developing enlightened attitudes Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-11426513412635199182011-08-13T14:17:00.000-07:002015-03-16T13:09:39.519-07:00Q: How to Deal with "Meds Roulette"?
A few years ago, I participated in an Ask the Expert Chat
on "ADHD and Relationships", sponsored by the National Resource Center on ADHD. In this free forum, the public is invited to ask questions of a
top ADHD expert in a live online chat.
This text-based Q&A is
later stored in the CHADD Ask the Expert archive (you
can view the topics at that link but access is limited to&Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-54769530503723048432011-04-07T14:32:00.000-07:002015-03-16T17:29:58.542-07:00Q & A on Adult ADHD: What Is Personality, What Are Symptoms?
Continuing with last month's theme of sharing questions and my answers from CHADD's Ask the Expert chat, here is a two-part question from a reader named Matt.
I welcome your responses to both Matt's questions and my answers.
—Gina Pera
1. How do you separate ADHD from the person? Because it is neurological, it just doesn't seem possible. It would be like separating sexual Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-43361759530622802352011-03-01T12:27:00.000-08:002012-01-27T20:33:54.749-08:00Adult ADHD Question-and-Answer: on ADHD and "Denial"
A few years ago, I participated in an Ask the Expert Chat on "ADHD and Relationships", sponsored by the National Resource Center on ADHD. In this free forum, the public is invited to ask questions of a top ADHD expert in a live online chat. This text-based Q&A is later stored in the CHADD Ask the Expert archive (you can view the topics at that link but access is limited to CHADD Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-55837105525801578022010-09-07T14:28:00.000-07:002012-01-31T12:02:50.990-08:00Adult ADHD and "Time Blindness": Dr. Russell Barkley's Tactics for Taming That Trickster, Time
Time. That's one word that always makes the top of the list when
I ask adults in our local CHADD discussion group to name their top ADHD-related
challenges.
Keeping
track of time.
Estimating
the time it will take to complete a project.
Planning
for future time instead of getting totally wrapped up in present time.
Managing time is a constant challenge for most humans, especially Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-25817260524813709832010-08-03T09:28:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:51:18.805-08:00The "Invisible Ropes" of Adult ADHD, And How A Special Type of Therapy Can Help Set You Free
Introduction: When I'm asked about the best kind of therapy for Adult ADHD, I explain that the research thus far points to cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in combination with medication. Then I emphasize a critical point: not just any CBT but that with a special focus on ADHD.
Standard CBT that does not acknowledge the Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-53054382109503383762010-07-06T12:08:00.000-07:002012-01-27T20:52:59.732-08:00John and Abby: Solving the "Problem with No Name"
This July 4, my husband and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. Compared to couples married 30, 40 or even the 50 years of my parents' marriage, 12 years is hardly remarkable unless you figure in unrecognized ADHD.
As I joked to my friends on Facebook: "We can credit the fact that we're still married—and happily so—to equal parts brutal honesty, teeth-gnashingGina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-75537075946604533042010-05-31T21:19:00.000-07:002012-02-20T14:16:48.702-08:00Adult ADHD is Real: But How to Convince the Unconvinced?
Living with unrecognized ADHD, in a loved one or in oneself, can feel like being lost in the fog—often on a roller coaster.
“I hope others can be spared from stumbling through the fog like my husband and I did,” Edith says. “For our first 25 years together, I thought Joe was lazy or selfish or both.”
Edith also wondered if she wasGina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-90567352591399843472010-05-03T17:29:00.000-07:002016-01-29T13:06:03.497-08:00Pt. 2: When a "Good News" Diagnosis Means Bad News for the Relationship
Years ago, when my husband first agreed to be evaluated for ADHD, he did it on one condition: that I be evaluated for it, too.
Whether he simply disliked being singled out or truly thought me ADHD'ish remains lost in the mists of time and perhaps distorted perception.
My guess: He simply wasn't connecting the dots between his actions and my reactions. From hisGina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846377402285832776.post-32512000307869537292010-04-06T13:50:00.000-07:002016-01-29T12:23:54.296-08:00When a "Good News" Diagnosis Means "Bad News" for the Relationship, Pt. I
We often call ADHD a "good news" diagnosis. Why? Because it offers not only a long-elusive rational explanation for vexing behavior but also effective treatment strategies.
So, why does a "good news" diagnosis sometimes mean "bad news" for the relationship. That's the topic of this two-part post.
The reasons run the gamut—and are as complex as the Gina Perahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617490362195568500noreply@blogger.com27